A Loud Silence

The silence is so loud
…it’s the only thing you hear!

The sound of silence resonates
softly on the walls of my heart
where passions rage
with vehemence...

I am a pantomime -
acting out my life:
The storyline is a deadly reality
but I play my part - mute:
I can do nothing -

Can I?
I can do nothing but play
this horrid rehearsed silence -
as directed

The Play of Life:
Starring: Me!
Director: Me and ThaW!
Stage: The World

I star as a black star -

There are shackles in my mind
that I need to break from -
and my heart is locked away in
a cell called Life -
I need to break free!

But all I do - all day, all night -
in my daily fantasies
or in my tossing-turning dreams,
is play myself!

Silently!!

I speak silence -
I walk silence -
I eat silence -
I dream silence -

I am loudly silent!

I am ravaged with the feet of
oppression - crunched like a
crisp leaf in an Afrikan* summer
or like kribaa za mihogo in the
mouth of a desperate form two
- but I cry in silence!

My Harvard degree -
and presidency of the world -
does not help me
- I am strangled in silence!

My chidren's blood splashes like
the tomato juice that spills erratically
from a goat's mouth to the walls of
a dung-smeared hut
and I am the one who shoots at them
with spears and AK-47s -

I walk like Johnny Walker -
staggering softly through
the invigorating aroma of
fresh human urine and the
delicious stench of faeces
in a compost heap of flying
toilets -

while my wife's at home
by the hearth stones -
baby on her back -
blowing the cold ash with hope
that it will magically turn to fire

and my son silently shouts,
"Usijali mama, puliza tu!"

"Puliza tu Mama, moto utatokea!"

Mama's smile reveals her crooked
teeth, and the tears in her eyes
narrate the story experience has
taught her - again and again -

Pain rains -
daily -

The neighbors come and take
my goat away - then they put a red X
on the door of my dung hut -
then they pour water on it - and it
evaporates beneath this Afrikan
sun that bites -

then they smile at me - then they say
they want to "develop" me - then they
take my flying toilets away - then they
keep directing the play that is my life

Oh!
I forgot to thank them for this jojo in
my stomach - they say they'll make me
throw up - and take it away - then make
me eat the dust...
and the vomit, too

and I play my part in silence!

They love me!
Both the audience and the director
I am their favorite actor!

They love my "obedience" -
and my mastery of miming
as a theatrical device -
they adore the sweet art of my silence!

And I - writhing in pain - take a bow

They shout their appreciation as I am
abased - to the ground -
they shout - but we do not hear!

The silence is so loud...
it's the only thing you hear!

When will I let my beauty arise??